dental dams
So I was at this restaurant last night with some friends for the "dining out for AIDS night". We had been waiting for almost an hour to get a table and I had had a couple of drinks on an empty stomach, so I was a little crabby. As we were standing at the bar this middle aged woman comes up to milk more money out of us by trying to get us to sign up to make additional donations and sell us raffle tickets. She starts describing the "safe-sex" gift baskets that were being raffled off, very matter-of-factly telling us about the different types condoms, lubes, and dental dams contained in these baskets. I was a little taken aback at first that "dental dam" had just come out of the mouth of this woman who was almost as old my mom, and kind of dressed the same too. I told her that I had an entire apartment full of dental dams and had all that I could possibly need. Either she was punishing me for being a smartass or truly believed me, she acted very surprised and told me how hard it was to find dental dams in St. Louis, and how she had to special order them for her "safe-sex" baskets. Apparently she had only been shopping around in novelty/sex shops, I knew of a couple pharmacies in St. Louis that I thought sold them and she seemed very excited at this prospect. I think she also felt a little outdone by my knowledge of dental dams and wouldn’t drop the subject. She asked me if I knew how to improvise a dental dam, and I said saran wrap (just pulling it out of my ass, maybe I heard it somewhere) and she seemed shocked that I should know this. In a pathetic attempt to hold on to some scrap of her feeling of superiority in dental dam knowledge and her role of older/middle aged woman who goes around making people feel uncomfortable by giving them graphic descriptions of safe sex, she started to ask me if I knew why you should only use one side of the dental dam, saw the looks on everyone’s faces around me, thought better of it, and decided that it was time to just accept defeat and walk away.
