the awful truth
I was in Vintage Vinyl last Sunday afternoon, one of the employees there use to work with an old roommate of mine at a different record store. I usually see him around and he use to come to our parties, so I usually chat it up with him whenever I see him. He was working at the listening booth that day, and was talking to this guy who I guess was one of his friends. I made some comment about how disgusting it was outside, and the guy told me not to remind him because he had to be outside in it all the next day. I found out that this was because he works in a cemetery, and I immediately thought that any one who works in a cemetery should use the word "cemetery" in front of their name like some sort of title, i.e. "Cemetery Bob". I found out that his name was in fact Robert and I couldn’t help but tell him my idea. He wasn’t offended but didn’t really see the humor in it, and explained to me that he didn’t often like to let it slip that he works in a cemetery because it didn’t really help him with the ladies. I asked him if he actually measured each grave to make sure it was 6 ft deep or if he just kind of eyed it. He looked at me and told me that they got 4 if they’re lucky and that whole notion that people got buried 6 ft deep was bullshit, and that nowhere did they actually bury you 6 ft deep. This shallow grave policy wasn’t limited to his cemetery, it was pretty much the standard. He said that only twice in his 15 yr career of working in the cemetery had he actually dug a grave that was 6 ft deep and by law they only really had to dig them below the frost line which is only 2 or 3 ft. He went on to tell more shocking stories about working in the cemetery, but none were as shocking as this revelation. 99.9% of people go about their lives believing in this lie. One other shocking thing that he told me was that if you were homeless or nobody claimed your body, that over the years the City of St. Louis had gotten so fucking cheap that they buried you in a cardboard box. The body was laid on a wooded board for support and slid into a cardboard box and wrapped with plastic cinches and then thrown into the ground.
