the stink chair
OK so last Sunday I was back at the same coffee shop where i had the encounter with the elephantitis man, who it turns out does not have elephantitis. That enormous bulge in his pants was not in fact his grossly enlarged testicles, it was a piss sack. I found this out from one of my friends who works there, how she found this out, I don’t know… Well anyway, when I went in there last Sunday the girl working behind the counter gives me a funny almost concerned kind of look and asked me if I smelled anything weird. I couldn’t tell because the only thing I could smell was this old lady who always comes in riding her electric scooter. I wasn’t sure if she was talking about the pungent odor of perfume and old lady that as filling the room, I didn’t want to mention the old lady because she was parked right there, so I said nothing. I sat down with my coffee and book and about ten minutes after the old lady leaves I realize that it totally smells like ass. So I tell the girl behind the counter, and ask if that was what she smelled and she admitted that it was. Usually every Sunday this very large retarded man comes in the coffee shop with his handler and according to her he was apparently having a "bad" day and might have had an accident. What concerned me was the fact that they had left a few hours ago and it still smelled like someone had taken a crap. All I know is that whenever I stink up a bathroom, it never lasts HOURS! And this was an entire fucking coffee shop! This brings me to the conclusion that he must have gotten it on something for the place to still reek so much, most likely the chair he was sitting in. I explained my hypothesis to the girl and asked her where he was sitting. She and this other girl who was there looked at each other were kind of hesitant to say it, but it was at MY table. And when I asked what chair it was, it didn’t seem like they were too sure, and I really think that they agreed on a chair just for my sake and told me that it was the one directly across the table from me, and to make her decision seem more valid, she removed the chair and moved it to the back by the bathrooms. I’d really like to believe them, and I think that I’ve almost convinced myself that is was the chair that agreed on because in retrospect, I kind of remember the smell emanating from directly across the table. I think she must have convinced herself too because I went there last night and the chair is still sitting in the back
